One in the Freaking Morning

I can't sleep. It's almost 1am, central time, and I just can't get my mind to shut the hell up.

Though that probably has to do with a Monster (highly caffienate energy drink) about, hmm, 8 hours ago now. I was trying to give myself a boost to continue my 6 hour run on this Mac, working on my school projects. So many, adn so little time...

So i sit here, rocking back and forth, back adn forth, wanting seperately to get some sleep since I have to wake up at 7:45 am to begin at least a 10 hour stretch at school. Weee!! i honestly can't wait, but than agian, I know I'm gonna get supremely exhausted. I'm just not use to pulling off college hours. *sigh*

Anyway, I laid my head on my pillow about twenty minutes ago after reading a few chapters of The Hanmaiden's Tale, by Margaret Atwood. So far, I love this book. It's sorta like 1984, but it's main charecter is a woman. Ecxellent read, if you like those books that consist of letting you know about the possible future. I love 1984 so it's no surprise that I dig this book.

I've always dug those books that attempts to show you how the future can be if things aren't done (or done) in a certain way. For example, 1984 is about the UK in, um, 1984 (the book was writen in the 1950's, which actually makes the book a little creepy) and the country is a communistic state. Ever heard the phrase "big brother is watching"? It comes from this book. It's a book that is a warning on how the powers that be (e.g. the government) can turn on you and use protection as a controlling issue. Sounds familiar, fellow Americans? Of course, it's a lot more than that, but being 1am in morning, adn strung out on caffiene, that's the synopsis ya gonna get from me.

I can reneber the time in my life when my innocence was sorta broken and my eyes were opened to how fucked(can I say that?) up this world we live in is. The earliest issue was my veiwing of Schindler's List. I've heard of the holocaust and how terrible it was, but that movie made it come to life for me. It was the first movie that had me sobbing like a baby; I was twelve.

I can't remember how long after that in which I was presented with a senseless world. It was with the Oklahoma City bombing. For you non-Americans out there, around the mid nineties (or maybe earlier), the wrold trade center was bombed in Oklahoma City. Of course, aquications begun about who did it, why, and so on. What got to me was a few days after the incident, there was a photo in the paper of a couple crying their eyes out, who were from somewhere's around the Middle East. The caption underneath the photo was informing the reader that the woman had a miscarriage due to tremendous stress of being harrassed, adn practically attacked, by people who beleived Middle Easterns were to blame. Not exactly them, but their people.

What made this even worse is that it was a white-azz, stupid mofo that bombed the building. Asshole. Killed hundreds because of something to die with hating the government.

I guess my last memory of being completely confounded by the world we live in was when I was 18 years old and in my geography class, I had a sort of debate about the wars in Northern Ireland. i just couldn't wrap around my brain why people would be fight and killing so long over territory. (This is before my knowledge of the world open up, now. ) (So don't ask me about the hundreds of similiar countries that have gone through this through-out human history...ok?)

I guess you can called it irony, though I'm probably wrong, that I can understand it just a little these days. Not the killing, mind you, but the "this is my land and I'm not gonna leave without a fight" attitude...but not actions. Why, you ask? I live in New Orleans, people, so I'll let y'all put two and two together on that one.

In the meantime, I'm gonna attempt to get that sleep thing going on. Sleep me need...or so I here...