I created this blog with the intention of being a happy place, a joyous location where I could just blab and blab and blab and blab. And not just blab about anything; instead blab about the incoherent and blab about subjects that were better left to be found in Delirium’s realm.
That’s what javafoofoo was supposed to be. Simply a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious kinda site if ya know what I mean. Unfortunately, sometimes the higher beings at work can have other things planned out for you (or me in this case!).
Consider this an explanation to the past. Sorta. I feel like ever since I had my last bout of seizures about a month ago that every where I go there is this itty-bitty rain-cloud following me. I’ve even tried to beat it by **warning: extreme metaphor approaching** using a umbrella of happiness, but I can’t name how many times the darned thing was either blown away or just had holes in it.
I don’t know when all this crappiness will go away, but I really hope soon. I’ve been having days where moodiness simply takes over, and even though CK has tried to assure me that it’s probably my emotions acting all normal (as in "you are a woman, ya know" type of normal) but I totally disagree. I have to disagree; mainly none of these emotions have been associated with chocoholic cravings, so therefore I am not a woman just being a woman. Wouldn’t you agree?
I think the only way to "cure" this is to get the heck out of here. Travel that is. The travel bug bite me with first trip to New York City last year (NYC RULES!!!) and I’ve been craving more trips anywhere. United States’ Pacific coast, parts of Texas, Key West, anywhere in the wide open plains and I can never forget NYC; that place I will always go back to. (I’ve gotta-there’s just that much to do and see there.) I consider my seizures a derailment to all this at the time, though in actuality, it is something I will and have to learn to deal with.
A saying I heard repeated numerous times throughout my schooling in Catholic institutions comes to mind; "We all have our cross to bear" and it is true. I guess I gotta stop trying to act like it’s not there and acknowledge its existence.
What do you think?
3.20.2005
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1 comment:
Well, Javafoofoo, I am sorry that you have been low, and that your seizures prevent you from the travel that you crave. But hopefully, you will be able to get an appropriate handle on it and still travel, even if not driving or however you may end up being limited by it. One person recently told me that since he entered his low 30s, has a family, stable/same job for 6 years, he doesn't find excitement in life, as he used to--although he does find excitement in his children viewing things as new again. And so he is trying to find things that are new for him, to bring up that excitement again--music, travel, writing. It seems that you do have that sort of excitement for some things--at least you are trying new things, and blogs and movie blogs, and that is really something even if not earth-shattering. So I think you have diagnosed yourself with a very nice cure of travel, because what is travel except escaping what you know and doing something new? And it really has all gotten me to thinking about how humans need newness, always, even if in little ways. Because otherwise, our mood level stagnates and then the endorphins go away, and we really all need those endorphins now and then--but perhaps you will find your newness in a way that you have not even realized yet. love, orchard
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